it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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