Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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