This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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