i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
