So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
