so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Buhtt sex?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize