My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
