he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
