It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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