yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
