yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
