I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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