Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My vagina just recognized that song.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
