I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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