If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
