i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
