i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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