Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
