the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
