Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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