Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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