I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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