dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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