I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
