my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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