finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
