she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
