One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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