accomplished twins. life is a go
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
