I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
