you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
