I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize