Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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