'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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