I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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