apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize