i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
