Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
