sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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