sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
