I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
