remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
did you just send me my own nude
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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