My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
