no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
