He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
worst night to have a conscience
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
