I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
