i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
