I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
