so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
