but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
