I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
