how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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