broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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