I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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