I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
