she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
