I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
