Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
