I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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