Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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