I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This is classic penis vs brain.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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