I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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