I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
